How do I find the perfect girl?

by | General Outer Game

The Art of Finding the Perfect Girl

I want to talk to you about one of the biggest sticking points in game that has nothing to do with skillset.


Specifically, I’m talking about not knowing the exact type of girl you want and not specifically going after that. Having no plan at all is essentially planning to fail.

Random, haphazard efforts will get you random, haphazard results. If you want laser-sharp focused results on getting what you want, you need to first define what that is.

Now, a lot of guys are like, “I just want a hot girl.”

What does that mean to you? What does that even mean?

Everybody has a different definition of a hot girl. Everybody has a different definition of the type of personality they want, the type of culture they want in a girl, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And yes, you will be surprised as you go. You will evolve.

If you don’t start out knowing what you want or at least knowing what you think you want in the first place, you’ll never achieve that, and then you’ll continue thinking that’s what you want, not getting it, being frustrated, et cetera.

So, here’s what you need to do. Specify, as exactly as you possibly can, what type of girl do you want?

Is she educated?

Not educated?

Is she thin or is she more athletic build?

What hobbies does she have?

What are her political views?

What is her background?

What ethnicity is she?

What city does she live in?

And if you’re not in a place where you can find those type of girls and your goal is to meet those type of girls, get yourself to a place where those girls exist.

What does that girl value?

Let’s say that you are a rocker type guy and you want the super, super preppy type girl. Well, maybe you have to change, maybe you don’t. But at least you should know that what you’re doing is not congruent with that aim.

Now, you may get her on pure value. You may get her on good game, but at least know that you aren’t directing your efforts in a focused manner towards that particular girl’s blueprint because the things that she has grown up valuing and the things she’s likely to gravitate towards are not necessarily the things that you are bringing to the table.

Or, for example, say that you want really sporty girls, but you weigh 300 pounds and it’s not 300 pounds of muscle. Well, you may have to get in the gym in order to get those girls. Not because of a value thing, not because of like an overweight thing, but because it’s their value system. It’s what they’re into.

And if you have a common hobby with them, things are gonna get a lot easier and a lot better. If you don’t have that common hobby, things might not. Also, they might view your being out of shape as a lack of discipline, lack of ambition, lack of commonality, etc, etc. The point is you’re not fitting in with their inherent perception of what they’re looking for in a guy. So, you’re making your job significantly harder.

OK, so you need to figure this stuff out.

Do you want tall models or do you want more the pornstar type build? There are some cities that cater to one, some cities that cater to another. Now, I’m not saying you have to uproot yourself and change your whole job, necessarily, to get those type of girls. But I am saying if you have a choice between moving for your job to a city where they exist and a city where they don’t, you will increase your possibilities by moving to the city where your type of girl exists. Think ahead.

Strategy beats tactics any day of the week.

If you have great game, but you’re putting yourself in no situation to meet the type of girls you’re into, you’re actually probably going to do worse than a guy with mediocre game that is constantly surrounded by the type of girls he wants. So plan ahead.

One of the biggest drivers to your success is going to be that plan. What I suggest is this. Make the most explicit, excruciating list you possibly can, even get it down to hair color, get it down to like where she went to school.

Now, it’s quite possible that if you’re like, “oh, I want a girl that went to Stanford,” and she went to like Princeton instead, you’ll probably deal with that. But the point is I want you to get as specific as you possibly can and have that idea in your head because by having that idea, you’re actually going to achieve it.

Now, something funny is going to happen once you do this.

You will start getting the type of girls that you thought you wanted, AND you’re gonna find out that’s not actually the type of girls that you wanted after all.

And that’s a good thing because that’s going to help you adjust your model.

As you adjust your model, you’re going to get better and better results, and you’re going to hone in more and more on exactly the type of girl you want.

How do I know this process of constantly honing in on what you actually want is what’s going to happen for you? It’s because that’s what happened for me and every single person I know who ever got good at game.


At first you’re gonna think, “oh, I want to date models.” Date the models, you figure out, “oh, well, maybe they’re, you know, a little vapid and boring.” “I want those girls who are successful in business.” Well, maybe they’re a little too serious for you.

I thought personally that I wanted these girls with these like amazing resumes that did everything kind of by the book. What I realized is they were kind of boring and they followed the rules a little too much. I didn’t like that. But the point is for me to now meet girls that I do want to know and develop a great relationship with them, it helps that I did that other stuff first.

It helps that I got it out of my system because by getting it out of my system, by figuring out that’s not what I want, now, when I am in a positive relationship, I’m not thinking, oh, maybe the grass is greener over there.

I’m thinking, “you know what? I got into this with my eyes wide open and I know exactly what I want, exactly what I need and exactly what makes me happy.”

So even if that process of honing in and defining what you want doesn’t get you there right away, it is a process and it will get you to the right outcome, the right answer eventually.

And the process itself is necessary. It’s better to have that process than it would be even to skip directly to the answer.

However, YOU CANNOT BE HAPHAZARD. If you’re haphazard and just going every which way, you’re never going to get there in the first place.