Am I too high-value or too high-comfort?

• If in doubt, err on the side of value.
  • It’s much easier to build more comfort than it is to build more value.
  • Value is “I am amazing.”
  • Comfort is “I am willing to spend time with you and care about you.”
• It’s a lot easier to show a willingness and be convincing than change someone’s perception of who you are.
  • A girl is attracted to a guy who she thinks is out of her league. She just won’t think that the guy will stick around. All the guy needs to do to convince her is to put in time.
  • If a guy starts out by bending over backwards for a girl, it’s not very easy for him to convince the girl that he’s special. Putting in more time gives him more comfort and less value.
• There’s no such thing as too much value. There’s also no such thing as too much comfort.
  • There is, however, a bad ratio between value and comfort.
  • Having too much value makes the girl feel you’re just messing with her.
  • Throwing in some comfort brings you down to earth.
  • The goal is to get to infinite value and infinite comfort.
  • A bad ratio will either make her bored or not trust you, so monitor the ratio.
• The default should be to be high value while still being human.
  • As you’re building value and moving the interaction forward, look for discomfort and resistance. Once you start to notice such things, that’s when you back off on the value and build more comfort.
  • If a girl goes from being chill to giving shit-tests, that’s when you need to build more value.
• You should also assess the girl as you get to know her.
  • If the girl is very conservative, adjust your ratio towards more comfort.
  • If the girl is an extreme party girl, adjust your ratio towards more value.

How do you know when you’re “too high-value” or “too high-comfort” in set, so that you can balance it out by offering more comfort or more value? How can you tell the amount of value or comfort?

OK, so here’s what I will tell you. First of all, if in doubt, err on the side of value. It’s much easier to build more comfort than it is to build more value. Because value is “I am amazing.” comfort is “I’m willing to spend time with you and care about you a little bit”. It’s a lot easier to show a willingness and be convincing than it is to change someone’s inherent perception of who you are. If a girl meets a guy who she thinks is out of her league, she’s attracted. She just doesn’t think he’ll stick around, and then, all he needs to do to convince her is actually just put in his time. But if a guy is just like “I’d do anything for you, I love you so much.” OK, that’s great, but then what can he do to convince the girl he’s special? There’s no easy formula for that. There’s no just “put in your time for that.” “Just put in more time” just makes you more comforty and less valuey.

OK. So basically what I’m saying is it’s easier to build comfort later than it is to build value later, so err on the side of value. That’s the default. Default, err on the side of value. So, you shouldn’t be asking how do you tell when you’re too much comfort, you should be asking how do you have too much value? Here’s the other thing. There is no such thing as too much value. There is no such thing. There’s also no such thing as too much comfort. What there is is a fucked up ratio between value and comfort.

The girl’s experiencing you as she meets you. So, if she meets you in the first minute and she gets ten little like value, value, value, value, value. And like zero comforts. She has to assume that over the course of your relationship it’s going to be like a million values and no comfort. She’s looking at that ratio. So, the fact that you showed 10 little bumps of value is a good thing, but in order for her to stay around and trust you, you kind of need to have shown those 10 bumps of value with 2 or 3 bumps of comfort, maybe, so that she thinks you’re a real person, so that she thinks you’re not just fucking with her. And by doing that, then it allows you to get to 20, 30, 40, 50 bumps of value. The idea is to get to infinite value and infinite comfort. It’s just that if the ratio gets out of whack, she either gets really bored by you or doesn’t trust you. There’s no such thing, first of all, as too much of either one.

So, what you’re looking at, now that we narrowed this down is, value is good and value is what you want to go with. And then you need to keep a proper ratio of comfort. So, as you’re building value and as you’re escalating, moving things forward, you want to just look for where you start to get discomfort, where you start to get resistance, those kind of things. And when you notice that, that’s when you back off the value and add some more comfort. So, the default is be high-value and still be human. Be high-value while still being human. That should be your normal way of conveying yourself. And then if you notice that the girl seems uncomfortable, builds some more comfort. If you notice that the girl seems to be getting a little bit on her high horse and all of a sudden she was very chill and now she’s giving you a bunch of shit-tests, now you need to build more value. So, that’s how you calibrate from there based on what you’re getting from the girl.

Also, you can kind of assess the girl as you get to know her. If you find out that a girl is very conservative, you can start to adjust the ratio towards more comfort. If you find out the girl is like extreme party girl, you can adjust it towards more value. So, from your default, which is a little bit value-centric, you want to be paying attention to the girl and adjusting based on those factors.

So that’s kind of how you do it from there, but there are a lot of misnomers about that like the idea of too high value, no such thing, too high comfort, no such thing, but fucked up ratio that makes you appear boring or untrustworthy, very much a thing. And that’s what you want to be monitoring. You’re not monitoring the amounts, you’re monitoring the ratio. So, I hope that helps you to understand these ideas of value and comfort because a lot of people really do misunderstand them.

Alright. So that question came from YouTube. If you want your question answered as the next one on YouTube, put it below and also be sure and subscribe, so you don’t miss any of these wonderful, brilliant answers that I’m giving you.