Should I give my number to a girl instead of taking hers?

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I’ve gotten this question a lot over the years from various guys who are tired of dealing with flaky girls and are looking for an alternative approach, or from new guys starting out. It really does hit on a fundamental paradox in game, which is that on one hand you need to be able to lead and direct the interaction, but on the other hand, you’re better off is she’s chasing.

  • Do your best to keep things in your control. You want to have the ability to follow up.
  • In the moment, a woman can really like you, but an hour later, their feelings can change.
    • Maybe they got drunk, met someone else, remembered they had a boyfriend, etc.
    • Socially, women are generally fickler because they can get away with it more.
    • Since women’s emotions are volatile, you don’t want to depend on their moment-to-moment feelings.
    • If she has your number, she can forget to hit you back up. If you have her number, you have the ability to contact her again.
  • The girl trying to close you is much better than you trying to close her.
    • You should prefer that the girl asks for your number, not the other way around.
    • When you do give her your number, make sure you exchange numbers and have a way to reach her.
    • The fact that the girl wants your number is great, but don’t lose the opportunity to contact her.
  • You want to have the girl chase as much as possible, but you also want the resources to move the interaction forward in the event that they don’t chase.

So today we have a question from YouTube, which brings me to the point. If you guys have questions you’d like to see on this channel, definitely ask them, and I will be getting to them. So let’s see what we got.

“Hi Todd, can you address the issue of whether or not a guy should ever give his number to a woman rather than taking her number?”

So, first of all, whenever you ask me a question that has “always” or “never” in it, or “ever”, which is kind of like “never”, there’s always an answer, which is there aren’t absolutes in game. There’s gray areas. OK. So, “should you ever?” I’m sure there is a situation. “Should you never?” I’m sure there is a situation where you should not. So, whenever you’re asking questions, don’t be black and white, but let’s address this question as it is.

Should you ever give your number to a woman rather than asking for her number? I would say that no matter what you want to keep things in your hands or you want to have an ability to follow up because women, they’re interesting. Women are interesting creatures in the sense that in that moment they can really like you and really have every intention of following through, and an hour later, that can completely change because they met someone else or they got drunk or they remembered they have a boyfriend or whatever other thing is going on. And so you want things in your hands.

I actually had a friend of mine. He was mentioning, from online, he’d had girls that had stopped messaging him and deleted him or deleted the match from online, but he had some kind of social media information. He followed up an hour later on social media and ended up hooking up with them. So the girl actually overtly rejected him. And then an hour later, suddenly it was on and they ended up meeting and having sex. They dated for, I think, like a month or so.

Women are very fickle in the sense, to be fair, people are very fickle. But women more so because they can get away with it more socially. But they do tend to change with the spur of the moment a little bit. And so you don’t want to rely on moment-to-moment how she feels. For example, she gets your number, she forgets something else comes up, and it becomes a lesser priority. Whereas if you have her number, you could follow up with her the next day. You have the ball in your court. You have a little more power.

That said, if the girl is trying to close you, that’s better than you trying to close her. I much prefer the girl to be asking for my number first. Now I’m going to make sure when I give her my number, that we exchange and I have a way to contact her as well. But if she is bought in enough to contact me, actually, that’s good. Or after a date, if the girl wants to contact me first, that’s a better situation. So, the fact of her asking or the fact of her wanting your number is a good thing, but the fact of you putting it completely out of your own hands, you are going to lose a lot of leads that way. And you are going to definitely miss a lot of opportunities if you don’t have that possibility.

Most girls that you end up sleeping with at some point won’t be entirely positive the entire time. So, if your game relies on them being positive and chasing you at every moment, you’re going to falter a lot. You’d like to have them chase as much as possible, but you’d like to have the resources so that if they don’t chase, you can pick up the slack.